I've never really thought about what's on my bucket list before. I guess my hopes, plans, and dreams for the future have always been vague ideas that I noncommittally hoped would come true someday. Now that I really think about it, there are a few things I have always wanted to happen before I kick the bucket. Some things are practical or small, while other things are dreams I'm not sure will ever come to pass. Either way they made it to the list. So here it goes:
1. Go on a mission trip to Africa.
2. Marry my best friend.
3. See the sights in Greece.
4. Buy a Mac.
5. Adopt a child from a different country.
6. Become a quality photographer.
7. Get a graphic design job that I love.
8. Go to Harry Potter World.
9. Live on Federal Hill in Baltimore.
10. Find a way to use my skills and talents to greatly benefit at least one person.
11. Go to Edgar Allan Poe's grave on his birthday.
These things are not unattainable. People do each of these things every day. Even though I know that, I still have doubts and fears that make me think I will never be able to accomplish these things.
I'm actually terrified of the thought of being in Africa. I know that it is just because I am uncertain of the dangers that will be associated with the trip. I imagine being shot in the midst of some sort of guerrilla warfare or being eaten by a lion. I know this is illogical because people go to Africa all the time. There are dangers, but having knowledge can keep you safe.
Some things on the list I have doubts about because of money. Greece, adopting a child from another country, Harry Potter World, and buying a Mac all will require money. Some things I know I will eventually have money for like HPW or the Mac. It's just that I don't right now because I'm still in school. Going to Greece, affording adoption, and living on Federal Hill are all very expensive things. I do hope that I will be successful enough in my career that I can do these things. I know that if I work hard enough and commit to making these things happen, I can accomplish them.
Other things on the list are more time related. I'm just not at the point in my life yet. I do want to get married and have a family and I want to have a great graphic design job but I have to get through school first. I don't really have any doubts about these things. I just am uncertain about when they will happen. However, if nothing else I can adapt to almost any situation. I know that no matter when they happen, that they will indeed happen. That's good enough for me.
Going to Poes' grave might be a weird thing to have on my list, but it's about more than just a dead short story mystery writer. My dad is obsessed with Poe. So obsessed in fact, that I've been to the grave several times, the hospital where he died, the house where he wrote the Black Cat, and a tavern based off of his poem Anabel Lee. The mystery of the Poe Toaster (a mystery man who leaves three roses and a half empty bottle of cognac on Poe's grave on his birthday every year) has been deemed over, as he has not made an appearance for three years. I'm disappointed that the legacy might be over but going with my dad some year would be really cool. It is a bit of a scary thought though, because it's in a bad part of town at midnight. Although I fear it might be over, I do want to do this someday with my dad.
Overall, I think that fear of lack of funds or safety is what hinders me most. Thinking in a counteractive approach helps me see that these goals are attainable if I work hard to overcome these obstacles. Fear is often illogical, so thinking in this new way will help me fight fear with reason.
